I’m too old for perfection so I’m experimenting with emergence
I look out of the window near my desk on occasion to help me think.
A bird has ‘bombed’ the window . A serious amount.
It’s been distracting me all day. Causing me to focus not on the view outside, but instead drawing my attention to the window pane. Somehow making me look near, rather than far. Obstructing my thinking.
I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere!
You know that rule.
The rule states that if you drop something on the floor, you have five seconds to pick it up. Five seconds before the bacteria infect it. Be quick, be safe.
I have a mental image of these armies of slow moving bacteria marching towards the discarded food. Bacteria armies that bizarrely aren’t on the exact spot the food fell, but are somehow always precisely five seconds away. They respond like a shark to the scent of blood. Swooping onto the food to a five second deadline, moving to the sound of ‘dum dum, dum dum’ like a menacing time countdown sounding out the impending infection.
The reality is that there are probably more bacteria on the plate the food fell off, in the air you are breathing, on your fingers picking the food up…
In essence the rule is a fabrication, albeit a useful one when you drop a piece of your best chocolate. Nom nom nom. No point wasting that!
Often our own rules are inventions too. Fabrications. Untruths.
Rules about what we can do, or can’t do. Should do, or mustn’t do. Rules about cause and effect. This means that.
Yet we live our lives by them. We behave strangely, yet to a recognisable pattern, as befits the rule and its purpose. In much the same way as the five second rule gets us reaching down quickly for the food, looking at it, like the bacteria will be waving back at us, or will have inexplicably made the food luminous green. Blowing on it, like the bacteria will fly off, descending in tiny parachutes back to the floor to await the next food spillage, thus cleansing the said food morsel.
Fantasy. Yet played out like the truth.
I notice sometimes names escape me.
I’m not referring to a gradual onset of forgetfulness or dementia (I hope) but rather to certain names. Why is that?
At work there are a few people who, every time I meet them I struggle to recall their name. Other people I know less well I have no problem recalling their name, but for some reason it escapes me for a few. Then I notice I can’t remember, so that next time I see them approaching I’m already thinking ‘I can’t remember your name’… and so I can’t.
But it’s not just people. I was listening to some music today in the car and a particular band came on from my playlist. A band I like. A band I listen to on occasion. But I can never recall the names of the tracks. I don’t have the problem with other music, just some. Why is that?
Actors and actresses too. Some, no matter how good their performance or regardless of the quality of the film, I simply can’t put a name to the face.
Maybe it’s about connection? Emotional or otherwise?
What makes us selectively ‘forget’? And what holds us in that pattern?
We all get on with some people more than others. Sometimes we just click immediately. Sometimes the connection develops over a period of time. But what is rapport?
But when we have a rapportful relationship we know it. We are drawn to it. We enjoy experiencing it.
Its origins as a word seem to be French – rapporter – to bring back, or return, and a definition might be…
a state of harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well
So maybe rapport is simply about giving and receiving? Giving some of ourselves; our ideas, thoughts, emotions and being open to others’ ideas thoughts and emotions in return. Where these connect or overlap, we have rapport.
Of course we have to know enough about ourselves, and be open-hearted and generous enough, to be able to authentically share what our feelings, thoughts and ideas are . And we have to be present enough and care enough to hear what is reciprocated.
Maybe that’s why it isn’t always so easy?
I’m sitting on a hill in the infield looking at the old hairpin. Cars are weaving down the Craner Curves, jostling for track position into this all important corner.
Meanwhile, I’m listening to the race commentary on the circuit app on my phone. The commentary covers the action elsewhere on the circuit. So I can listen to the incident at Redgate where two cars have entered the gravel trap.
When we go racing we take a camping stove and I’m tucking in to a freshly made egg and bacon roll. The soft yoke has just exploded across my fingers. The smell and taste a sensory delight.
The sun is warming my right ear.
I’m struck by my ability to separate my senses. To see one set of action, hear another, feel the sun and direct my olfactory and gustatory senses to a stomach welcoming culinary classic.
Maybe separating our senses is easier than focusing them all on the same experience? We do it every day. I do wonder what I’m losing as a result though?