No man is free who is not master of himself.
Epictetus
happiness
moving to a new age
The world is changing.
We hear that a lot lately. Technology, society, East catching West, globalisation, consumerism, social media, virtual reality, robotics etc. Much is indeed changing.
But are we changing with it, or are we trapped, caught in our own story? A story spun by the very creators and enablers of the change. Much of what we refer to as change is simply the inevitable out turn of the industrialisation age. These early industrialists promised us: work hard, fit into the schemes of work we define, do what’s asked and you will be looked after, you will get what you want. Factories, mass production, even the idea of management, all born at this time.
Now, we’re caught, in this late-capitalist phase of our society. Our narratives about work remain oriented to this thinking. Work days and weekends. Home and the workplace. Career. Professions. Trades. Status. Money. Recognition. Security. Control. Management. Competition.
We learn, more or less successfully, how to mould ourselves to the categories already on offer in the world – factory worker, administrator, school teacher, manager, accountant, doctor…
For the most part we cope. Some thrive. Many however become disenchanted. Disenfranchised. The system isn’t working for them. The rewards may come, but they’re not enough, or they don’t bring happiness. The ‘have nots’ judge the ‘haves’ – the rewards aren’t fair, equal. Our hearts and souls are stunted by the repeated self-abandonment that fitting in can require of us. Square pegs, round holes. Freedom lost to a defined, managed, measured way to do, to be.
And now, a looming challenge is that many of those roles themselves have gone, are going, or will go in the next twenty years. Falling victim to the very possibilities the Industrial Age and its offspring the Technological Age, have created.
Time for a new way of thinking? A new paradigm?
One with enhanced caring and social responsibility perhaps? One that champions a calling maybe? One that redefines contribution and reward? One that places humanity ahead of hierarchy? Who knows? One thing seems clear though, we need to start to define and move to a new age.
is there a hole in my bucket list?
The bucket list idea has been around for a few years now, popularised by the film of that name from 2007.
Essentially the notion of a list of the life experiences to have, or life achievements to attain, before you die. Before you ‘kick the bucket’. For example, ‘making this trip ticks one thing off my bucket list’.
You can even download suggested bucket lists – with places you should visit and experiences you should have whilst you still can. Someone else’s idea of what you should do, to live a rich and fulfilled life. Interesting concept.
Often these lists contain far flung places to visit or high octane adrenaline fueled experiences. Many cost a lot of money or take a lot of time. Visit Machu Pichu. Skydive. Swim with dolphins. Run a marathon.
What if we lived for the moment instead? What if we identified the day to day things that bring pleasure, happiness, joy to our lives and just do more of them?
Drink tea with a biscuit to dunk. Sit in the garden. Have a bath. Walk in the woods. Bake brownies. Buy those orange shoes we covet. Listen to a thunderstorm. Hold hands. Laugh.
Too few people notice the little things they enjoy and then set out to do more of them.
It strikes me the bucket list idea has a hole in it. If we’re focused on our death and on large scale, time costly, expensive big events, then life is leaking out of the hole every day.
that other ‘to do’ list
Many of us write lists. The ‘to do’ list is a favourite.
Jobs for the weekend, reminders of tasks for the day job, lists of objectives for the project, even a list of things to buy for a birthday…
These lists tend to be full of tasks. Doing things. Activities to complete, assignments to progress, promises to keep.
How often do we create an emotional ‘to do’ list?
Today, I need to feel joyous, curious, excited and relieved. Tomorrow I plan some happy, a bit of stressed (because I will need that adrenaline) and a ton of relief, because I can foresee a few minutes of sad.
I recently attended an event where the group was encouraged to reflect on sources of happiness in their lives. We then shared and told stories of how and why that happiness had arrived for us. We pledged to each other to do more of that in our lives going forward (whatever it was for each of us). Having people bear witness seemed to help.
So, what’s on your long term emotional ‘to do’ list, and how do you plan to get more or less of the emotions you want or don’t?
why so hard to fathom?
Hope.
What is it?
Like so many of life’s most important treasures, it seems almost intangible, hard to put your finger on, illusively difficult to describe. floating in the ether. Yet of immeasuable significance to us.
For when it is absent, all seems lost. Its magnitude then, monumental. Its impact, seismic.
An important element seems to be a goal. An intent. An objective. And then there needs to be choice. A sense that we can see alternatives. Pathways. When there are none, hope is lost. A will to get there seems to be the final ingredient. A desire to make the choice and a drive to work towards the aim, however difficult. We all lose sight of one of these from time to time – goal, alternatives, will. Perhaps hope is lost when they all leave us?
Why are the most important things in our human lives so hard to quantify, to describe, to grasp? Hope, belonging, love, freedom, will, happiness…
emotional culture
Many organisations pay attention to cognitive culture rather than emotional culture.
They attend to the known things such as values, goals, objectives, rules and policies. They measure employee achievement in terms of these and they pay attention to employee behaviour in this context; are you doing what is required and are you doing it the right way?
What and how. It’s what many appraisal systems focus on too.
Does your workplace measure the emotional culture though? Do they check in with you on how you’re feeling about work, today, this week, this month? Are people having fun, enjoying their work? Are you happy, sad, demotivated, excited, anxious, enthralled? Does your boss know?
In reality your emotional state is likely to have more impact on your behaviour that a set of cognitive ‘these are the behaviours we expect’. It is also likely to impact your productivity, your performance, your levels of engagement with your work, your sense of wellbeing – physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual – and therefore minimise your days off sick.
How we feel about our work feeds our sense of belonging and our sense of purpose. If we enjoy our work, we get a degree of excitement from doing it, a sense of improvement, achievement and personal growth.
How happy were you at work today?
even stick men dance
Life may not be the party we hoped for …
but while we’re here we may as well dance
the voice of the soul
Crying is how your body speaks when your mouth can’t explain the pain you feel
Sometimes when we cry, we seek to hide it. Like it is something to be embarrassed about, or even ashamed of. Yet crying is natural. It is a way in which we speak our truth when words cannot suffice. The soul speaking.
There is no greater feeling than crying with laughter. A joy often experienced with others. With friends and loved ones. An uplifting, energising joy. Feeding the soul.
When we remember someone, let us recall them through tears of joy, caught in the moment. Memories of happiness. Memories that fed the soul. For there they live on, forever.
God bless you Des.
Always with us…
on the hunt for dinosaur bones.
when French toast trumps oatmeal…
If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you will know about Sheldon’s breakfast routine. For anyone who doesn’t, Sheldon, the main character, has a set breakfast on each day of the week. It’s an occasionally recurring comic theme. In one episode, Penny, a neighbour, is over in his flat cooking French toast for breakfast. Sheldon points out that Monday is oatmeal day. At the end of the scene Sheldon throws the French toast in the bin, remarking “smells good, what a shame it’s Monday”.
Today is New Year’s Day. Happy New Year.
I have just been out. I passed a large number of people walking, in groups. It seems customary that we go for a walk on this day, either to visit friends or relatives, or maybe just to walk off the Christmas excess.
In a few days it will be Monday, and for many of us we will return to work. That’s the routine. Work during the week, weekend off – for most of us anyhow.
Does it ever strike you as strange how we structure our activity around the structure of the day, week or even the year?
Why do we walk on this day, not on the 4th or the 19th or March the 8th? Because this is New Year’s Day, and custom says we have it as holiday and we walk.
Why do we start work on Monday? Because that’s what we seem to have set up as the norm. Sunday, the day of rest. Handed down from religious belief over centuries.
I notice at work how it has become quite commonplace for people to work from home on a Friday. An emerging time bounded custom or practice.
How much is our activity, our freedom, our choice governed by routine, custom and historic ritual structure I wonder?
We largely get up at the same time, maybe retire to bed at the same time. Eats meals to a schedule. Do things on certain days, at certain times. This is fine if that works for us, but I wonder how much of this is without conscious thought? Just a pattern, a ritual. How much is driven by societal conformity, by organisational rhythm, by peer expectation?
Maybe we should more consciously choose what we do and when? Do what we want or need, right now? Do what makes us happy in the moment?
It doesn’t have to be oatmeal Monday. You can have French toast, just because you feel like it and it smells good.
Happy New Year everyone.
a list of presents to enjoy daily?
I’m not a list person typically. I do like a food shopping list, but seldom make lists for other reasons.
Many of us make lists. I’m sure some of you had a Christmas present list. A list of gifts to buy friends. You may even now be preparing your New Years resolution list? Many of you may make ‘to do’ lists for work, or get given lists of jobs to do, at work or at home. Maybe you make a list of things to pack when you’re a few days away from a holiday? Maybe you list goals or achievements?
So… when did you last write a list of what makes you happy?
Perhaps a list we would all benefit from writing? A list we should perhaps refer to regularly?
illuminated dandelion 