humanity

when we are played with by our own emotions

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

Earlier this week I hopped on a bus in London.

As I found my seat, the bus pulled away and I noticed a taxi slowing next to the bus, as the gap ahead was too narrow.  He slotted in behind, but merely for a few moments, before accelerating alongside the bus.

There was an exchange of views through open windows. Thankfully mostly inaudible, but clearly both had a perspective on what had just occurred.  They drove together sharing their perspectives for a few moments before the taxi veered off.

The bus driver audibly muttered ‘stupid’, thumped his wheel twice and clearly, as he repeated the word at least five times over the next three or four minutes, his attention was directed inwardly to whatever emotions he was feeling after the exchange.  Certainly some anger, maybe some frustration, possibly some hurt?  Who knows?  Maybe not even the driver.

I reflected for a moment on the safety of his passengers, as evidently his mind was not fully on the busy London traffic.

There is a drought of compassion in our world, and a deluge of blame.

I wished for my bus driver to be able to step outside his emotion and notice what was happening for him.

His emotions and doubtless those of his fellow combatant, the taxi driver, trapped them in their blaming world.

Stepping into what he was feeling, and why, might allow him space to contemplate what the taxi driver might also be feeling; from that awareness comes the capacity for compassion, for self and for others.

Sometimes we are merely toys, played with by our own humanity.

how little we really know

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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For all we know about the world, its solar systems, its solids and gases and liquids, its states and orbits and atmospheres, its stars and planets and moons. For all we know about the Earth, its rivers and mountains and continents, its seas and oceans and lakes, its cities and people and landscapes, its cultures and societies and languages… we know nothing.

Everyone has their own world, their own reality, their own truth. Created from their own experience. Made up of patterns and meaning and connections. Motivated by values, purpose and beliefs. Driven by feelings, emotions and thoughts. Held in pictures and sounds and senses. Motivated by ego, desire and love.

Every world unique.

We struggle to understand our own personal world, let alone that of our neighbour, our colleague, our friend, our human cousin.

We know nothing.

human detox anyone?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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Sitting in Vera’s Kitchen for a cuppa. A fine cafe in Letchworth.

The menu begins with ‘detoxing soup’.

Is that possible? Can soup have a detox effect? What toxin exactly is being removed from your body by consumption of said broth?

Detox, detoxifying, detoxing are ‘a la mode’ at the moment it seems.

But when do we detox our humanity? Remove the toxic parts of our being; the flotsam picked up along our life journey?

The unwanted thoughts. The unhelpful behaviours. The disabling feelings. When do we recover from the self toxifying life journey that has left us with redundant beliefs, self doubt, insecurity, poor self image, vulnerability, limiting thoughts, low self esteem?

That’s the soup we really need.

 

what is the value of a thought?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

deep in thought

What purpose does a thought serve?

They seem sometimes merely to generate new thoughts, which in turn father more and yet more.

They seem to occupy us. Keep us busy. Deflect us from our experience in the moment.

They seem to be our ticket to our claim of species superiority. World domination. Although recent world events and the erosion of the planet’s resources might argue otherwise.

They seem to be the root of judgement.  Judgement of others. Judgement of ourselves.

They seem to be the foundation of our communication. The exchange of ideas and knowledge with fellow thinkers. Yet two things seem to be true here; firstly, whilst we exchange thoughts we are often distracted from, and dismissive of, our own feelings. The thoughts, and their exchange with other thoughts from other thinkers, perhaps a distraction from an unspoken truth about how we feel. Secondly, our thinking stops us listening.  We are so busy marshalling our own thoughts we don’t really hear the thoughts of those we are supposedly communicating with.

Yet, thoughts seem to be the catalyst for our learning. Generating new awareness, new understanding, new skills.

So I wonder… is the value of a thought always clear?
Is the value worth the cost?
It seems to me… sometimes, but equally sometimes not.

image by: Lisette Wennström

denuding me

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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Much in our lives is seemingly over engineered.

This is the ‘Velofeet’, a unicycle with stabilisers that the rider sits astride and walks. Yes, a sitting walking device.

I have a new electric toothbrush which throbs to tell me when to move to another part of my mouth and has a light which flashes should I press too hard. There are forks that do something similar if you eat too much, too quickly!

I saw an article the other week about a toilet that is internet enabled, so that you can raise or lower the seat using an app on your phone before you arrive at the bathroom.

There’s a ‘smart mug’ with a sophisticated temperature and light system to tell you whether your drink is still warm or is too hot to drink.

Don’t get me wrong, technology is a remarkable thing. I still marvel at the ‘magic’ that is… my microwave oven.

But this kind of technology led innovation, trumping any consumer led need is a growing phenomenon. Over engineering products, because we can.

It denudes us of our human reflection, thinking, judgement and decision making.

My toothbrush makes me lazy. It stops me thinking. I start to rely on the light and the throb, rather than thinking about what I’m doing. Personally, I’ve had this issue with SatNav for a while. I stop noticing. I become blind to my route, landmarks, orientations, distances. I stop seeing what is around me and instead become a slave to a voice, or a picture, telling me to turn now. The result being I have no learning. I don’t learn how to get somewhere, I just learn to rely on the technology.

This stripping away of the natural use of our senses, diluting our reading of the signs, removing our need to think, taking control of our judgement and decision making, denying us learning, is impacting our interaction with each other too.

Bit by bit we become less human.

 

no touching!

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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Contactless.

We can now pay for our goods without any actual contact. Payments are made by wafting a piece of plastic, or a mobile phone, next to a reader and money is debited from your account. Not only does the card not have to touch the reader, this is contactless from a human perspective too. No pin keyed in. No signature. You don’t even have to hold the card.

You possibly also enter buildings, maybe at work or at home through a contactless fob waved adjacent to an access pad. Doors open automatically. No human pushing or pulling required.

Driverless cars are now being developed. No human steering, accelerating, braking.

Technologically speaking, it is as if our human contact with the world is being removed, bit by bit.

Sometimes it is easy to forget that the same can be true when we interact with each other. Often without physical or verbal contact we have an impact nonetheless.

Just being near someone can touch their lives.

Contactless.

But not without impact.

 

working as a pear

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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When I was at school, I studied Latin. Only for a year as, despite getting an A in end of year tests, I was deemed a scientist. I therefore got to study Physics, Chemistry and Biology as separate subjects. French was my ‘permitted’ language.

Now, with the benefit of some life experience, I realise all these choices, mine or those made by the academic system, were all somewhat pointless. I haven’t really used any of this knowledge to any great degree.

The other day I was designing some training with a colleague. We were creating a storyboard with post it notes. She wrote ‘work as a pear’ on one. Instantly her face crumpled and tears of mirth welled in her eyes as she chortled over this ridiculous concept and silly spelling faux pas (French eh?). I began to snigger too. We enjoyed the moment. Together.

I wish at school I had been offered the subject ‘learning to laugh at myself’. This skill would have been much more useful. The ability to laugh at our mistakes. To laugh at our occasional ridiculousness. Hold our slip ups lightly. Know that everyone is human. Simply lighten the day with laughter and a smile. These are useful skills. De-stressing. Providing context. Perspective. Building togetherness, teamwork. Embracing human frailty. Knowing that we are all fallible yet all amazing.  Feeling good about yourself. Letting others see you, without fear. Building connection.

I recommend laughing at yourself several times each day. It’s good for the soul.

I use it more than any chemistry, physics, biology, Latin or French.

 

this is free

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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Apparently someone is selling jars of fresh air to the Chinese.

The world has become so commercial we are now selling jars of air.  Mind you, that’s a small step from selling bottles of water I guess.

What next?

How much for a smile? What price a hug? Ten pounds for 30 minutes of daylight? Should it cost more to breathe in than to breathe out? Twenty pence a wink? Shade costs a pound a minute, unless you trade it for a cool breeze.

Let’s just hope love and human kindness remain no cost options.

 

do onions really smell?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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“Ogres are like onions.”

In the movie Shrek, the ogre is walking with Donkey through a field. Shrek is trying to describe his complexity. “Ogres have layers” he continues. Donkey doesn’t get it and wonders if Ogres are like cakes, because they have layers too and more people like cake. It’s an amusing, but deeply human moment. The analogy of a simple vegetable revealing real human depth, in an ogre. But as in many of today’s great children’s animations, there are messages, metaphors, analogies for the adults.

And… we are all like onions.

Layers of complexity. People we meet will see the outer layer. Those who look deeper may see what lies in the next layer down, or even the one beneath. If we pay attention to people and really take the time to notice, we can all see layers of their complexity and a depth of ‘human being’ in those we meet. We can never see it all though – even in those we are closest to.

We, in turn, may let friends, and those close to us in. Sometimes sufficiently to see the three, four, five layers beneath the outer layers, but there may be a core we don’t let anyone in to see. We may not even know ourselves what lies at the heart of our humanity, our self, our soul. What we are really made of, capable of.

Experiences can reveal our own layers to us. Sometimes difficult experiences, moments of conflict, moments of pain, moments of personal challenge. These can reveal deeper truths to us, but only if we take the time to notice. Only if we are resourceful enough in the moment to learn. And often we are not.

We need to be curious about ourselves, take time to notice, be compassionate with ourselves, learn to reflect, give ourselves time. And we need to recognise the times when we are avoiding the difficult learning, by telling ourselves that well trodden story we have always told ourselves. We need to look for our true truth. Learn to learn. About ourselves.

An onion flavours our cooking.

Your layers flavour you.

the glow of humanity

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

the light of humanity
Travelling through any urban area at this time of year and you will see light leakage. The glow of illumination. Street lights, office lights, car headlights, security lights, early evening lounge lights, Christmas lights…

Humanity’s presence reflected in the surrounding environs.

Unintentionally. Light just creates a halo. It spreads like a smokey haze. Leeching into the space around the light source. Unselfishly sharing its light.

We do that with our own light too. Our personal light of presence, of compassion, of capability, of friendship, of appreciation, of recognition, of love.

If we light it up in ourselves, the effect is seen in those around us.

Give it a go. Shine on someone and watch them glow.