self

choosing when to have wind…

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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When a man doesn’t know what harbour he is making for,
no wind is the right wind

Seneca

I was speaking to a prospective coach client this morning. They described themselves as lost. The work appears to be about self, about who they are.

They asked me how they would know when they had achieved their goal; I responded with a question, asking how they know now?  How they know they need to come to coaching, that they are indeed ‘lost’?

They responded that they ‘feel it’. And so I said, ‘that’s how you will know.’

Sometimes knowing where we are headed is important, but so too is knowing how we will know we have arrived. Without this, any wind, any movement, is without purpose and just as likely to take us the wrong way as to take us the right way.

they’re your rules, believe it or not

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

truth

We all have beliefs.

I’m not referring here to spiritual, religious beliefs. I refer instead to the invisible beliefs we hold about the world, about who we are and about what we are capable of.

I’m referring to the truths we hold, sometimes consciously, but mostly out of consciousness, such as “I can’t sing”, or “I’m not beautiful”, or “People are amazing” or “If I set my mind to it, I can achieve anything”, or “I’m stupid”, or “Working hard brings rewards”.

Such beliefs are typically generalisations, typically unconscious patterns, meta to our experience. They can be enabling, or they can be limiting. They act as a post-hypnotic suggestion and they direct future behaviour to confirm them.  They provide context, meaning, causation, structure and as such are irrefutable.  We will deny their inaccuracy, even in the face of cognitive evidence. They are in effect our own personal rules of the world.

Take “Working hard brings rewards”. A generalisation, in that it assumes always. A generalisation in that it doesn’t define work, or how hard, or what rewards? But, someone believing this, will work hard, they will, in all likelihood, value the rewards that work brings and justify or explain those as being earned by the hard work. The ‘truth’ of the belief, or personal world rule, is both acted out now and assumed to be required in future – after all, its truth is without doubt, its cause and effect undeniable, its outcome inevitable – such is the nature of a belief.

Meanwhile, work that doesn’t bring rewards, or rewards unconnected with working hard, may be dismissed as of little note, or simply go unnoticed. The belief could be enabling, in that it provides motivation, the believer will doubtless work hard, will attain and will get rewards. It could also be limiting, in that the believer will probably give up leisure time, family time, time for self and may be pressured with a weight of reward earning responsibility, or may burn out over time.

So what do you believe?  Do you know?

How do your beliefs enable you and how do they limit you?

 

heads up or heel?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

crufts

I watched a few minutes of Crufts the other day.

Handlers parade their dogs around a ring, holding the lead taught and seemingly uncomfortably high, so that the dog’s posture looks good. So that they can be displayed at their best.

Outside just now, across the street, a man was walking his dog on a lead.  One of those retractable leads where the dog’s freedom can be moderated; the lead shortened or extended at the push of a button, curtailing the extent of the dog’s freedom to roam, bringing it to heel.

I wonder if as human beings we hold our own lead sometimes?

Sometimes pulled taught to show us off at our best, yet maybe inauthentic? Sometimes reining us in from our full potential?  The lead, or leash, often invisible to us.

Where would freedom take us?

 

 

two ‘i’s in me?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

twoismeandyou

Someone today said to me, “I tell myself I should…”

I’m always curious when I hear language like this…

Sentences like “I think I am…” or “I sometimes ask myself…”

In sentences like this we are implying two parts of ‘self’.
They beg the question, “Which I?” or “Who is speaking to whom?”

Not some weird illness generally, but rather a useful indication of some separation within us, often manifesting in an internal dialogue. Integrating these parts, or at least raising awareness of the value arising from their distinction might be useful?

 

 

a new anxiety…

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

unread-mail-number-iphone

I’ve been noticing how modern technology reminds us.

Some of this is helpful, but generally technology reminds us to catch up. Reminds us of what we’ve missed or not done. In this way it unconsciously builds a sense within us of being behind. It gives us an always on reminder; a visual or auditory ‘shove’ to encourage us to catch up.

My inbox tells me how many ‘unread emails’ I have.  It doesn’t tell me how many I’ve read today or how many I’ve responded to, or the hours of effort I have invested in my endless communication with those I interact with. No. Instead it reminds me what I still have to do.

My phone alerts me to ‘missed calls’.  Raising in me a sense that I’ve let someone down or maybe missed an important person or message. It nudges me towards a message, a voicemail the person has left, and then sends me a text in case I ignore the other signals I have been sent. It is like my phone is constantly whispering ‘Come on, come on, keep up’.

Meanwhile all my technology reminds me I have ‘updates’ – even my TV.  I’m always out of date it seems. Missing some vital feature or fix to make me ever more capable, or ever more efficient. Now, my i-phone and i-pad, not only tell me I have updates, but if I say I’m not ready to install them they say ‘shall I remind you later today?’  Nooooo!

The failure. The pressure. The anxiety.

What has happened here?

 

eight out of ten…

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

score photo

How open are you to yourself?

I mean how receptive are you to your truth? How open minded and open hearted are you to who you are, what you stand for, what you are good at, what you are not? How open and receptive are you to your own learning and growth from that place? To what is possible?

If you were to score yourself right now on a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being ‘totally’ and 1 being ‘not at all’, what score would you give yourself?

And what score would you like it to be?
If you scored 7, would you like it to be 9?
5 and want it to be 6?

How might you move your score? What might you do to widen and deepen your awareness and to bring about the movement you seek?

when enough isn’t enough

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

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Information is important. Not having enough, troublesome. Too much?

I once saw an advertisement hoarding at a football match. It named the company and its business then proclaimed ‘find us in the local newspaper’. Now why it wasn’t possible to provide a telephone number or a web address I don’t know, but insufficient information, I suspect earned them little business.

The wall in this supermarket entrance explains to me the meaning of the word ‘reusable’. As a result, I find myself reluctant to shop there. ‘Reusable’ is enough. I judge them for their need to patronise me.

I photographed this image below recently. It made me laugh.

image

It was interesting to me that the addition of the tick and cross, the marking of my effort in effect, was the thing that rankled. Equally it gave me no room for alternative, equally erroneous, parking positions or angles. One right, one wrong.

Sometimes enough is a very personal thing. And enough isn’t always enough, especially when it’s too much.

Notice what is missing and what tips you into too much. This is about you, about me, not about the information.