Are you mishonest?
I’m not talking about dishonest. Where dishonest is that place where people lie, cheat, deceive, steal … I mean something else
Do you ever feel language is missing something? I do increasingly frequently. Our ability to communicate with complex language seems to mark us out as a higher species, whereas I wonder if in fact it holds us back?
A dictionary definition of dishonest is ‘intended to mislead’ or ‘behaving or prone to behave in an untrustworthy, deceitful, or insincere way’. That implies intent. Positive intent to mislead, deceive or be insincere.
Equally, honest is defined as ‘free of deceit; truthful and sincere’ and has synonyms such as candid, open, straightforward, genuine, frank. This also implies a positive intent.
I either choose to tell you how it is (honest) or I choose to deceive you (dishonest)
But what if I just don’t know? Know in a conscious, mindful way what is true? Somehow I’m just unaware. My gut is telling me something, but I don’t yet know my truth. If you operate from this place, maybe you’re neither honest nor dishonest? There is no conscious intent, it’s simply a misunderstanding and out of your awareness.
The prefix ‘mis’ in English implies an unintended mistake or misunderstanding – ironically as in mis-take and mis-understanding 🙂
So I propose a new word – mishonest
Back to my opening question – are you mishonest?
Do you ever experience a feeling, an emotional response to something and not really know why? Do you tell yourself that if you speak up, you’ll be judged mad, bad or wrong? Do you see someone else do something or say something and find yourself judging them? Do you run the same script in your head – I’m not good enough, I’m stupid, I’ll be found out? Is your stomach churning? Your gut saying something but you haven’t taken time to listen?
These are all positions of not knowing, out of consciousness, unaware.
You are in effect being mishonest … with yourself. And if you’re mishonest with yourself, you run the risk of being mishonest with others. And that runs the risk of being seen as dishonest. That’s how relationships break down. How blame flourishes. How shame emerges. How trust erodes.
So be curious. Be curious about your body speaking. Be curious about your mind’s familiar patterns of thinking. Be curious about your truth. Not your patterns of being, but your truth. Because there lies personal honesty and that is the start of everything great in your life. It leads to openness to others truths and to personal happiness, fulfillment, freedom …