be

simulating life

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

image
I got to sit in a simulator last week. A flight simulator for a 747.

The complex software can mimic situations the pilot might find themselves in. It looks and feels like the real thing. Climbing, banking, landing, shuddering in turbulence. The flight crew can test handling the plane in any emergency, as well as practising routines like take off and landing.

Every year they return to the simulator to effectively take their driving test again. Useful. Reassuring.

Where are the life simulators?

Why can’t we practice?
Test out possible life situations?
Run the routine ones, over and over, to ensure we get them right?
Where is the life test?
And where is the re-test?

to experiment with your humanity

~ steve.ridgley ~ 1 Comment

image

Just spent a fab afternoon in “the lab” with great folks, experimenting in the search for expansion of human awareness on the messy front line of human development

“The beginner sees many possibilities, the expert few. Be a beginner every day.”

Check it out here

when we would do well to be the beach

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

What is is

When you go to the beach, you walk on the pebbles. You see some pebbles are rounded, polished, worn smooth in the rub of nature. You see some are sharp, jagged, fractured in the storm of collision. Some pebbles carry history in fossilised form. Some are small. Some large. Some brown. Some grey. Some multicoloured. And you observe this and you allow it.

When you go to the beach, you see the sea. Water crashes in foam, surging for freedom. Water retreats in liquid fellowship. Foams, retreats, foams, retreats, foams, retreats in enduring rhythm. And you see this and you understand. And you accept the way that it is.

And in all of this, you don’t get emotional about it. You appreciate the beach. The pebbles. The sea.

What is, is.

But when you meet other human beings, you lose all that.
You say “he’s too this” and “I’m too that”.
You say “if only she wasn’t…” and “I should be…”.
You say “They are different” and “I am not enough”.

Judgement comes in.

Maybe we should see people as the sea and the pebbles, and appreciate them as they are.

What is, is.

Inspired by Ram Dass

 

crow or duck?

~ steve.ridgley ~ Leave a comment

metaphor birds
How might your stance, your way of being, be reflected in the nature of a bird?

Might you strut your stuff, chest out, proudly scampering across the ground like a little wagtail?

Might you be territorial? Red chested and willing to defend your patch, but still a firm favourite in the organisational garden, like a robin?

Might you play small, flit from undergrowth to undergrowth? Be hard to spot, whilst energetically going about your business, like a wren?

Might you majestically glide through the calm waters of life, proud, erect, showing no outward effort or emotion, whilst, should you and yours be threatened, you can come out fighting, with power and presence, like a swan?

Might you make a lot of noise, heard all around, even though you are high in the treetops; you get yourself noticed by the sound of your voice and your tendency to flock with birds of a feather, like a jackdaw?

Might you hide in the crowd? Swooping and swaying, ducking and diving with the group think; responding to the whims and movements of the flock, like a starling?

Might you be opportunistic? Looking for the chance meal, the roadside pickings of praise and being noticed? Surviving by the seat of your pants, scavenging for good experiences, successes and achievements, like a magpie?

Might you nurture those needing to grow? Taking the pain of the icy winds of change to keep the chick safe from cold and from predators, like a king penguin?

There are many birds. Each with its place. Each with a unique personality, but each playing its part in a rich ecosystem.

do you see yourself in your thoughts?

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tranquil thoughts
Our lives are a reflection of our thoughts.

Nurture calm, tranquil, compassionate thoughts for yourself and others, and your life will reflect the peace that comes with those thoughts.

Draw your attention instead to the busy circumstances of a modern world, with all its urgency and expectation, then you can be drawn into a whirlpool of haste, a cacophony of noise, a blur of striving from which peace is hard to find.

Think about the life you want. Live the life you think.

are you sure you want to read this?

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are you sure reflection
The “Are you sure?” button can be annoying.

You’ve done your preparation, made your decision and having pressed ‘send’ or ‘ok’, ‘cancel’ or ‘order’ the screen provides another pop-up asking the “Are you sure?” question.

Grrr.

This week I have had to cancel a holiday. Flights, hotels the lot. Each step I have been asked the “are you sure?” prompt. It has given me a moment to honour the importance of reflection, to honour a sadness, but also to honour the decision, other values that matter to me, people that matter to me.

I wonder, what if that button existed within us? What if when we were feeling fed up, the “are you sure?” prompt encouraged us to check in, calibrate and consider what is good in our lives?

What if when we were about to be overtaken by anger, the “are you sure?” prompt offered us the opportunity to pause, breathe and get some perspective?

What if when we were about to say something inappropriate in the midst of an argument, something that we might later regret, the “are you sure?” prompt held the words in the departure lounge of our minds and mouths, giving us a moment to re-think and consider the consequences?

What if when we felt a wave of emotion and our heads stepped in to prevent that showing to the outside world, the “are you sure?” prompt gave us the chance to be? The chance to show vulnerability and our truth? To be real?

Last week I might have signed a petition to ban the concept of “are you sure?” but now I’m asking myself “are you sure?”

when silence is the most perfect form of speaking

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silence time to think listen
Nancy Kline’s book ‘Time to Think’ advocates a model of human interaction that honours the individual’s time to think.

In our society we are expected to have an opinion, and to voice that opinion. To disagree or to agree with your perspective. Our language, our organisational culture, our very democracy is imbued with debate, dialogue, challenge. The great debates are forefront in the news and on social media… The USA right to guns or not? Is removing tax credits unethical? Can the Labour party survive its leadership choice? Will Jose get the sack at Chelsea? We are encouraged to debate them, to have a perspective, even to take a side.

At a coaching supervision group discussion today we were talking about silence. One coach spoke of the sheer joy of not having to hold a view in their coaching work. The freedom and release that gave them. As a coach we can be objective. Focus merely on the client’s story, their way of being. We don’t need a view as to the rights and wrongs of that. We don’t need a view as to the way forward, the solution for the client.

We can just be present. Listen at the deepest level. Give them time to think.

Nancy asks “what makes you think the question you are about to ask is more valuable than the client’s next thought?”

I wonder if in organisations, in society, in life we need to learn to be silent more. To honour other people’s time to think and to speak their truth. To not hold a view, but just to accept what is true for them. To intervene solely with the purpose of helping them to develop their thinking. Not for our understanding, not to share our opinion, not to demonstrate our value giving contribution of solution … but just to help them to develop their thinking.

Maybe there would be more understanding, more compassion, more truth?

who or what is twiddling the dimmer switch?

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dim your power
I have been speaking these past two days about giving your power away. How it diminishes you and your potential.

So who or what have you handed control to?

Is it your boss? Or is it your partner, your spouse or your lover? Have you handed it to a parent or a sibling? Does fear have your power? Do you give it to controlling and domineering people? Have you handed it to another part of you? Maybe the ambitious part, maybe the parent in you, maybe to the part of you that fears being great?

Have you given it to comfort foods, alcohol, drugs or other forms of escape? Have you given it to taking care of everyone else? Or to the people you see as more worthy than you? Do you let people who are unhappy drain and suck your energy? Have you given your power away to money or time, the scarcity or lack of it?

Or have you given your power to a social institution such as the government, a religion or a philosophy? Or to someone in authority or a position of power, such as a doctor, a lawyer?

Take back control of your dimmer switch and turn yourself up bright.